It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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