The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
