never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
