Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
