I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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