Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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