hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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