im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
