may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
