I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
