Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
tell me about the eggs
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