whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
