Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
