First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
