the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
