I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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