sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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