If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
