This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
