Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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