Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
