The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
