are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
