question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
