It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That accounts for only three of the penises
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
