and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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