we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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