I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
