the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Watching her eat just hurts me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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