Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
