WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
