I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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