i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
