she woke up with a sticky ear
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
