I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
