she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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