Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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