Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
