areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
