so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
