He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
