guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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