haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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