I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
