The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
