You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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