But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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