Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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