omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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