So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
