If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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