i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
