areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
