Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
