after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
