Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
